Onion News staff offer to Greg Gianforte: “Come beat us up” … taking one for the team

Trump’s Rump Staff and The Onion Bunch

“Given the important policies they oversee and the highly public nature of their work, it is to be expected that our government officials will at times come into conflict with the press, especially amid the tense political circumstances in which we now find ourselves.” (Onion)

And it is not unusual for these tensions to reach an explosive flash point, as they did last night in Montana when Republican congressional candidate Greg Gianforte attacked a reporter from The Guardian for asking what was a shamefully antagonistic and prying question regarding the Republicans’ proposed healthcare bill.

In light of these events, our editorial board would like to state our unwavering support of Mr. Gianforte and invite him to physically assault every member of The Onion’s news staff.

The Onion is a satirical site that offers a wide-ranging flurry of sophomoric material destined for desktops and cellphones of bored liberals, who like to fill their days with a modicum of hilarity. This week they took on the unprecedented assault on a reporter by one of the candidates.

Gianforte apparently took time out from his mind just long enough to beat the living crap out of a Guardian reporter, Ben Jacobs, who was body slammed and punched while being grabbed by the throat by an unpopular, grimy excuse for a New Jersey millionaire turned tax scofflaw and now, oddly, elected representative Montana congressman. The man was elected on the morning after he was charged with the assault of Mr. Jacobs.

Gianforte’s office gave a fabricated account of the assault (borne out by tapes and a Fox News reporter) and Gianforte just kept schtum on the whole affair until he glided to victory the next day with a 7 point edge over his Democratic opponent who plays banjo and smokes a bit of weed, on occasion.

The Onion gets it.

“Furthermore, The Onion would like to make it clear to Mr. Gianforte—as well as all other politicians who serve at all levels of government—that if at any time in the future you are ever asked a question by a member of our staff that you find unfair, intrusive, disparaging, or that simply makes you feel uncomfortable, please immediately channel all of your strength into shoving this individual out of your presence, preferably knocking them to the ground or against the wall, so that they may understand their error. And if one of our reporters ever attempts to record an interaction that you do not wish to have documented, The Onion kindly suggests that you grab the camera or tape recorder from the journalist’s hands and throw it back into their chest or against a nearby wall as vigorously as you are capable of.

“To further clarify just how he may treat our journalists, we ask that Mr. Gianforte refer to the following list of attacks that we have approved for his use, either individually or in combination, against any member of The Onion staff:

Slap
Kick
Punch to face
Punch to abdomen
Punch to back of head
Throw to ground
Chokehold
Hit with heavy object
Throat stomp
Grab by hair and smash face into tabletop
Suplex”

Trump won Montana by 20 points over Hillary Clinton and so a 7 point victory by a man who hitched himself  to The Rump’s big baboon arse was seen as a significant victory by the glass half-full Democrats out there who are still wiping tears from their beers after last November’s fiasco. But it’s not a victory. It’s a loss to a country that once espoused to be fair, honest, democratic in all things.

It’s a loss, because there are people who are lauding this act. They are cheering and bragging about what their representative did to a member of the press. The Rump took time out from his time out with the press overseas to put his hand to the side of his face and whisper theatrically to the US press – who he hasn’t addressed in 7 days – “great win in Montana.”

That, that whispered aside, from the man who shoves European leaders to put his despicable mug to the front of the line speaks reams to his followers. Followers, who, by the way, are now lashing out against foreigners on American streets. They’re taking their cue from The Rump. They’re not only shouting, but today they’re stabbing people.

This is a Trump problem. A racist and a misogynist through his ugly, addled, moronic statements The Rump is changing the face of America. And yes, these racists that are now putting their profiles on file in social media have always held these beliefs, only now, The Rump has given them a platform to voice their hate.

That’s not democratic and it’s not American. If this is the America that people want? That’s a factor of The Rump. It’s SAD, BIGLEY!

Now the GOP is going to welcome a first amendment basher into the fold at just about the same time he’ll be facing a judge on charges of battery, assault.

In Canada or Great Britain? This guy would have been disowned and the election would have gone to the weed-smoking, banjo player … period. Yes, Rob Quist is his name and he’s the poster child of everyone a low-hanging fruit loop group like the current Democratic Party like to run in a state with a 20 point deficit. Hey, Democrats.

Here’s a hint: run a credible operative.

And GOP? You better find someone with a modicum of cojones. Because you’re all forsaking your virtue to a man, The Rump, who has forfeited your credibility not only in America, but around the world.

Is it on The Rump? Nah. He’s just a blowhard with a low IQ.

GOP? This is all on you. Lickspittles, sycophants and pansies. As yu boss might say?

SAD, WEAK!

 

 

Leave a Comment